JIWA

tercalar dihujung luka

kerana jiwa yang berpaling

mengejar dunia impian

yang kini utama berbanding tempatnya

berapa harga yang perlu dibayar

untuk janji yang ditinggalkan

untuk kata yang dibiarkan

untuk kasih yang disisihkan

untuk hati yang dilukakan

jika benar jiwa itu leka dalam mimpinya

maka Engkau titiplah secubit ujian

untuk menjentik jiwa itu

agar mungkin dapat sedikit sedar

asas sebuah kehidupan

yang bernyawa itu merasakan sakit

wahai jiwa yang sentiasa disayangi

semoga dikau merasa sedih dan kecewa

jatuh dan duduk seketika menghitung kiraan Pencipta

agar kau sedar aku juga merasa tempiasnya

walau bukan yang utama jangan dilupa

pada janji yang telah disandarkan pada-Nya

walau bukan yang teratas

namun jangan sekali dibiar menjadi terakhir

SEPI

hadirnya saat dihujung mimpi
selalu sebentar kita meniti
tak mungkin mata bersua lagi
tetaplah tatap walau bukan di dunia ini
separuh jiwa yang pergi
separuh berbaki masih mencari
tangan memberi tidak lagi disisi
kasih dan sayang tidak lagi dikongsi
langkah sudah semusim terhenti
jiwa ini semakin kosong tak berisi
pada tawa, suara dan diri
dan berlalu masa aku masih sepi

JAUH

jika pada kata itu mudah
tidak mungkin rasa itu tetap gundah
jika ada kenangan yang dipegang
mungkin sakit itu tak perlu digenggam
kenapa berlari jika masih perlu mengejar
kenapa berdiri jika akhirnya tanpa melangkah
cerita sedih jangan berduka
ruang itu sentiasa ada dari Pencipta

the truth

here's the truth ladies
being pretty doesn't keep a man
being honest doesn't keep a man
being loyal doesn't keep a man
treating a man good doesn't keep a man
being there for a man doesn't keep a man
caring about a man doesn't keep a man
making an effort doesn't keep a man
paying attention to a man doesn't keep a man
spending time with a man doesn't keep a man.
you could have the best intentions
you could have the most sincere feelings
and you could be a good woman and you still wouldn't be able to keep a man because
the only way to keep a man is if that man wants to be kept by you.
you can't force a man to be with you
you can't beg a man to stay with you
you can't love a man into loving you.
with a man you could tell he wants to be kept when the relationship gets hard and he does everything to fight for you because a man only fights for a girl he wants to belong to
so if he isn't fighting for you that means he doesn't want to be kept by you anymore.
the moral of this?
don't hold on to a man who doesn't want to be kept by you.
NO!!! you're not giving up on him
it's him who gave up on you
and it's you who shouldn't waste anymore of your time that you already have
know when it's time to let go
know when it's time to walk away
and know when its time for him to be unkept.

kerana semalam

kerana semalam

jiwa itu rapuh pada kata 

yang akan lurut pada nada

selalu terusik dek mata dan telinga

kerana pada hati tersimpan beribu rasa

demi menjaga hati, menjaga nama

bukan kita mendabik dada

membetulkan salah menafikan silap

sebagai manusia biasa yang penuh dengan emosi

kita siapa untuk lari dari dihakimi

kerana kiri dan kanan itu seiringan

akan sentiasa ada dengan izinnya 

kerana senyuman dan bibir itu berpasangan

yang akan membutir kata dan memberi ketenangan

pada langit biru yang kadangnya kelabu dan memutih

pada matahari yang meredup bersama pancaran

pada hujan rintik yang memberat

pada angin yang menderu dan membelai

sapa lah ia pada jiwa yang terlupa

pada titik kehidupan yang masih berjaga

pada semalam yang tak pernah pergi

datang la selalu bersama hari baru 

agar bisa membawa pengajaran pada hari esok

nothing

siapa sangka i will back again here. bersawang habis sejak 2014. dulu belajar sekarang bekerja. dulu menumpang sekarang berkereta. dulu account pama tetapi sekarang account sendiri. dulu in relationship sekarang married. one thing that never change ialah kuat menangis. pengkahiran dua tahun yang lepas adalah aku pada hari ini. lebih banyak mendiamkan diri, lebih terkenangkan kisah lama, masih cuba mencari jiwa yang kental untuk ditanam dalam diri. begitu masa sangat pantas berlalu. alhamdulillah, berkahwin dengan orang yang sama sewaktu bercinta dahulu. jodoh itu rahsia Allah. 

sepanjang tempoh berlalu ni, ramai kawan2 dah not in blog field. account close, not update. hati ni kadang nak berborak sebenarnya, mungkin lebih kepada ingin meluahkan juga selain Allah. ingin meneruskan bibit-bibit penulisan, ingin membuka semula ruang-ruang juga. pada titian yang kita lalui saban hari, seringkali kita dicuit dengan halangan di pertengahan jalan tapi kita tak pernah mengharapkan ketibaan yang dirai namun biarlah ianya selamat tanpa rasa kecewa. 

always will not be okay

small chatting with little word always fit me when it comes to u.
i thought after so long, my decision come to end when i decide to get over
but one thing that really make me curious become unexpected answer
when i saw the name at the screen.
it hurt me so much until i couldn't find any words.
no words and i'm bout to cry loudly.
i really wish that i cry that night and let everything goes
so you can see that i hurt badly by all the lies.
at one time when u ask me why i stay with him,
entirely i answer that nobody couldn't stand my me
and now the answer that i don't admit earlier is
nobody will loves me as much he do.
thank you for 'the fault in our stars'
the story really open my eyes and show me the really world that people would and wouldn't.
behind the sickness there still thousand happiness and hope.
behind the fallen there still have million laughter and promises.
and few thing i learn that maybe always will not be okay.

xoxo,

dhiazulkfli

long time

long time i'm lost in searching what i call life.
now i'm back but i'm still not sure for good or for bad.
i'm back to restart again.
i'm back to refresh myself.
i'm back not to fix my past.
all that just gonna be my history that i couldn't change.
i'm back for me!!!

selalu

andai masih ada sisa rindu, 

jika masih ada sayang itu, 

jika masih tersentuh dikalbu, 

jika hati sentiasa diselubungi syahdu, 

takkala munculnya wajah itu, 

wajah insan yang ingin kita mahu... 

doaku akan mengiringi dirimu 

SELALU... 

it's okay

it's okay you got a bad grade in studies. 

it's okay you're skinny and don't have beautiful eyes. 

it's okay boys don't whistle or smile at you. 

it's okay that your friends are leaving because 

if they such good friends, 

they'd be sitting with you trying to not make you feel like shit. 

it's okay your parents shout at you, 

their trying their best 

and i don't think they remember how it feels to be a teenager anyway. 

it's okay you feel as though you've lost yourself, 

everybody does from time to time. 

it's okay you're still searching for that missing part of you, 

we all are. 

it's okay to feel alone 

but you must often remind yourself that you're not. 

you must remind yourself that 

you are nice, individual, a replica of nobody else. 

sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past

a girl

i'm just a girl 

whose hair is never right 

who more then once has fallen on her face... 

i'm just a girl 

who can't stop laughing 

at something that happened yesterday... 

i'm just a girl 

who can't stop smiling because for that moment 

everything is perfect... 

but sometimes, 

i'm a girl 

who cries because sometimes nothing is right.. 

sometimes, 

things just aren't meant to be. 

sometimes, 

no matter how bad you want something, 

you gotta let it go... 

'touch up the edges, adjust the tones' 

till death

loves shouldn't be told out loud, 

it should just remain between the two of us...

thought

 who would have thought 

something so small 

so could be everlasting... 

something so minute 

would be the thing 

i spent most days 

waiting for... 

do i

What is the real reason you are confused right now? 

you!!! 

Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? 

yes 

Do you find it easy to trust others? 

no, too hard 

What were you doing at 11PM last night? 

walked around uptown 

What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? 

cry, shout and scream 

Are you close with your dad? 

yes, i am 

What are you listening to? 

when i was your man by bruno mars  

What time do you go to bed? 

no fix time 

Is there someone who continuously lets you down? 

nobody knows 

Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? 

yes when i'm using nokia 3310 

Do you always answer your texts? 

no 

Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? 

yes when i can't find the answer 

When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? 

dua minggu lepas 

Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? 

the family 

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? 

the coming vacation 

Is anyone else in the room with you? 

yes, my roomate 

Do you believe what goes around comes around? 

Allah s.w.t. itu maha mengetahui segalanya 

Were you happier four months ago than you are now? 

i can't remember it 

In the past week, have you cried? 

no 

What colour is the shirt you are wearing now? 

soft blue 

Is anyone ignoring you right now? 

surely yes sebab everybody busy w their phone, movie, internet 

Do you have a best friend? 

yes 

Who was your last call from? 

mrs. papa 

Have you ever kissed someone older than you? 

yes, family 

How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? 

50++ 

Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? 

certain thing should not be told 

Do you think age matters in relationships? 

no 

Are you available? 

i'm not looking for any title yet 

Do you regret anything? 

yes and some of thing i wish it never happen 

Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? 

too much 

What was the last thing you ate? 

ayam penyet padang jawa 

Did you get any compliments today? 

yes, when we off for dinner 

Where are you going on your next vacation? 

iAllah bali 

What was the last movie you saw? 

flight 

Picture of yourself? 

simple and plain 

What do you most like about making out? 

your favourite 

What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? 

when i got caught looked at your face secretly 

What is your astrological sign? 

gemini 

Name four things that you wish you had: 

house w glass, my favy car, money and family 

Do you currently have feelings for anyone? 

everybody have feeling that never or can't be told 

test

from right side aku dah boleh nampak habuk yang setebal 5 inci *nak lawan high heels aku* and from left corner aku da nampak hasil kerja seni yang sangat unik dari en.spiderman yang sedang bermaharajalela dekat blog aku.. hahahhah~ by the way, belated welcoming december 2012... lama sangat tak menjenguk blog aku nie.. really busy these past few weeks and till now i'm still busy tapi dah ketagih sangat nak exercise jari-jemari aku yang tak berapa nak runcing nie.. hehehehehe~ so, dis week gonna be week last before study week begin for final examination.. seriously aku rasa tak sabar nak habiskan minggu nie and nak cuti terus, xnak amik final paper... kihkihkih~ so today i'm done with two test which ethics and critical thinking.. the coming tomorrow gonna be tough because law paper sedang menunggu dengan senyuman lebar bersama dimple yang paling menawan dengan harapan akan membuatkan corporate and policy studies student happy forever.. ouh noooo!!! semangat yang tersangat kental di samping usaha yang tinggi menggunung diperlukan dengan segera... tiada soalan bocor... nota, text book, slides and tutorial question disediakan... *macam advertisement cari penyewa* lalalalalalalala~ but now buku x bukak pun, buat bende lain je lebih... *kuciwa dengan diri sendiri*... now, i'm off to lunch.. till then, xoxo... 

bestnya kalau otak aku macam tue.. tak payah banyak2 kali baca buku...
sure sekarang bole g bersantai dekat bali bersama pakej percutian 3 hari 2 malam untuk dua orang secara percuma.. hahahah~

to see the stars

i wish you were a book 

so i could flip through your pages and 

underline my favourite things about you... 

fold your pages' corner and 

tell my friends about how wonderful you are... 

i would save you in my bookshelf 

next to my bed 

where i come to escape reality and 

dream of things beautifully that make me happy... 

i would read you again, again and again 

as if you were the only book i've got and 

i would take you everywhere with me because 

you would make me happy with 

the way you choose your words and 

how sweetly you let them flow through paper... 

 

only in the darkness , you are able to see the stars... 

terhenti air matanya

hati perempuan itu terlalu istimewa hinggakan kadang amat sukar untuk kita meramal apa yang berada di dalamnya... kadang kita merasakan amat dekat hatinya pada kita tapi sebenarnya langsung kita tidak tahu apa yang bermain di dalam fikirannya hinggakan kadang kita tak langsung menduga apa yang sedang difikirannya walau kadang bicaranya seolah tiada rasa, namun sebenarnya amat jauh dari dunia sendiri..

jangan biarkan wanita yang berada disisimu bersedih dan makan hati hingga tiada usaha untuk membetulkan keadaan dan menjelaskan perkara sebenar kerana pasti akan ada seseorang yang cuba membuatnya tersenyum dan ketawa... jangan biarkan wanita yang berada disisimu merasakan kesunyian dan terabai kerana pasti akan ada bisikan yang mengodanya untuk mencari keserasian kerana mereka sangat memerlukan perhatian... mereka tidak mendengar apa yang dikeluh... mereka tidak melihat dengan mata walau memandang... mereka hanya tahu satu kisah tapi tidak langsung mengerti akan rasa... kadang kita mampu melihat air mata yang mengalir, seolah ianya telah hilang satu kekuatan diri... 

jangan biarkan wanita yang berada disisimu bersedih dan menangis... 

jika dibiarkan, terhenti air matanya setelah letih 

seolah hatinya juga telah tawar dan pudar...

aween's birthday shout!!!

you have been the oldest friend i have... 

thank you for being such a lump of sugar to me, aween... 

and no matter how horribly we fight, 

the truth is that i have always loved you and always will... 

my dearest friend, wish you a very warm and happy birthday... 

i feel blessed to have a friends and sister like you... 

you have always been there whenever, i was in need... 

i can never thank you enough for the joyous times that we shared... 

on your special day, 

i wish you an awesome birthday and a great life ahead... 

may you achieve and get, all you ever wish for...

may you always be happy in life... 

i love you, my sweet friend... 

happy birthday dear friend, nurul hazwin abdul halim

maal hijrah

alhamdulillah kerana masih diberi kesempatan untuk meraikan kedatangan Maal Hijrah... semoga kehadiran tahun baru Islam ini akan lebih memberi aku kekuatan, kesabaran, keikhlasan dan ketenangan untuk melalui perjalanan hidup sebagai seorang anak, seorang kakak, seorang adik, seorang kawan, seorang pelajar dan seorang umat Islam yang lebih baik... banyak yang telah dilupakan dan ditinggalkan dalam mengejar keindahan dunia... semoga keberkatan itu datang bersama keindahan awal muharram... yang pergi akan tetap terus pergi dan yang datang harus tetap dihadapi... semoga Dia terus melindungi dan menjaga dalam setiap pilihan dan langkah untuk mendapatkan yang terbaik... 

yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, 

today is a gift and that's why it's called the present of Muharram

the wrong choices

i learned that things 

don't always turn out the way you planned, 

or the way you think they should... 

i've learned that there are things 

that go wrong, don't always get fixed 

or get put back together the way they were before... 

i've learned that some broken things stay broken, 

i've learned that you can get through bad times 

and keep looking for better ones... 

what's done is done... 

what is gone is gone... 

don't leave much room in future 

for people who left us in the past... 

sometimes the wrong choices take us to the right places